I BROKE DOWN, NEED HELP

I am joy spreader. I am a faith reframer. I am a Jesus chic. And, I am undoubtly in love with my Savior Jesus Christ. When in dark times or perilous places, I am often forced to these uncomfortable alleys where the rats lurk, the deep thickening jungles of a personal made Amazon and see where I have been;what I have done. I know I have been hurt and I acknowledge that my choices have hurt a lot of people. But, I can positivity, indeed, beyond a shadow of doubt say that was never a road that I have meant to travel or gotten stranded on. I have hit a lot of pot holes and I mean A LOT, I have came across nagging tourist with a million and one questions…when all I wanted to do is scream and say why don’t you understand?,why are you here if you can’t take time to learn MyLanguage, there have been times when I have had to push that old, worn down, beat up, bruised, rickety vehicle of faith I was in from my current destination to the nearest filling station…which need I remind you was 110 miles away and I was barefoot cause I left my shoes at the last station. Guess someone got them a new pair of shoes hope they don’t mind all the intentions from all the miles travelled in them. There isn’t nothing like lacing up someone else’s shoes. #thanksPastor But, in the sum of it all, I kept going and somewhere along the way was born a traveling soul.
I became more constructive with the pot holes I passed because on a rainy fall day they made the best puddles to jump in . And, I became more tolerant of the tourist in and out of my life because I learned that maybe just maybe they weren’t the tourist what if it were me?  And, I was accusing them of not learning my language and asking all these tedious questions. When I didn’t realize that by asking those questions was how they learned the language I was speaking. The questions would turn into imitation and imitation into fluency and before long you didn’t know who had been here longer them or me, or maybe you! Then there was that vehicle of faith….the one I felt was constantly breaking down and didn’t know a stop sign from the interstate. The funny thing about that is the vehicle in question will only run as well s the maintenance you put into it. Quality not quantity had became a reverberated phrase in my ear. And to many times along the way, I stopped at the self serve pumps because it was faster and more convenient than waiting in line for full service. Only so that someone could ration and control what I was putting into my faith tank. Because, can’t have to much sweetness of the world because it would straight lock up. Believe me, I know you should seen the invoice from my mechanic. Funny thing was, I was looking at it inspecting all these things put into it…the faith, the prayer, the hope, the blood, the sweat, the tears and this gigantic price that I could never pay but then I got to the bottom of the invoice, and it says price for services rendered: your debt is forgiven, paid in full by the restorer of faith. I think…no scratch that, I know that I have the best mechanic there is. You want His number… Dial 316-1839. Oh, how wonderful He is.
But then, I step back out of my reality. And begin to marginalized things from a different perspective. If I hadn’t done what I did at the exact moment I did it, or if so and so hadn’t hurt me the way they did exactly when they did I would have probably never ended up here with the pen in my hand focusing on all the good that come of such sorrow. I would never have understood the addict, never had compassion for the victim. I had to really take myself through all this hell and pain, just to come out on the other side joyous. I know the harsh critic out there or those with the hardened heart would say you could have chosen differently. And, your right I probably could have had I been allowed to see the measures of pain that I would go through just to get to that moment. I would have definatley chose the alter path. But, I wasn’t. I was led blindly into a situation and into the dark standing on a promise that I would come out on the other side of these things stronger and with the mindset of a warrior. If not in this life, then faithfully in the next! When learning that in the Garden of Gethsemane, that Jesus actually sweated blood from the agony he was in brought to perspective why I didn’t know… Cause I am no where near the strength of Jesus and he sweated blood cause He knew what was to come of this, and knew that He would die for a much greater cause, greater than we could ever understand until we decrease in ourself and increase in Him. But, one thing I do have in common with Jesus and so don’t you…WE ARE NOT ALONE. He is there with me in my darkness, He is there with me in my night, He is there with me in my garden.
So when you just feel like you can’t keep going on, you can’t bear one more question, one more breakdown, one more barefooted, clothes ripping, bare clawing moment remember this….KEEP PUSHING ON, when you feel like you re about to give up, suffocate…reach out and reach up, YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND THE DARKNESS DOESNT LAST FOREVER!!! Find that tourist. Ask that question. BELIEVE. LEARN. BECOME. always know that the other side of hopeless is hopeful. Your breakthrough is coming. Your miracle is coming. Just look out into storm and believe in the calmness. The stillness. The creator who can look at the storm and say stop and it will return to it true form, the brook in the garden. It is okay to be hurt, angered, flustered, lonely and quite. But, if you take that fuel you have in those emotions and keep on keeping on. Don’t ever lose faith. Don’t ever give up hope. And don’t ever stop fighting the good fight because I promise you there is a more beautiful tomorrow ahead if you just keep on keeping on

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