The Best B- Ever

Back in high school, we had a homework assignment that I didn’t like the subject, I had no interest, and I could not understand it. There was no way that I was going to get this done within the time frame assigned. I knew that I had to give it my best effort. If I didn’t,…

Pit Stop

Whilst taking a drive out on the open highways to go back home led me do write about an interchange. A midpoint. A pit stop. Not so much in the physical journey, but more so in the writing journey. Some say it may be blogging homicide. Do stop and decide where you are traveling from;…

All Aboard

I was nominated by Its PH for the freestyle challenge. I took on number 11….open challenge to anyone. So here goes the RULES of this challenge: 1. Open an MS Word document 2. Set a stop watch or your mobile to 5 minutes or 10 minutes whichever challenge you think you can beat. 3. You topic is…

And, I watched 

I had often set aimlessly, wandering. Did she even notice me, noticing her?  All the ups, downs. The voids. The smile, which were few and far between. Not because of unhappy thought tsunami but simply her causative attitude. It was almost that of a simile. Simple and sweet, yet defined and regal. I was lost…

The mouse man

Growing up in the early eighties…late nineties, I didn’t have much to go on. I had all these great cartoons, and wonderful fairy tales to watch. Things to keep me occupied, and an imagination. One that could carry me from the Straights of Jibalter to the dynasty’s in Timbuktu. I could carry on conversations with…

In the beginning was the WORD

Todays daily inspiration was to make a list. So I chose a list of things that I have learned. I am passionate about the Word of God. So in choosing, I chose 25 verses that have meaning to me 1. The people walked in darkness have seen a great light; they that dwell in the…

To Iyana

This is for Iyana. Today, she lost her battle with brain cancer. There was descion that had to be made in which I would never want to make or fathom being faced with. That is a strength that I would never want to face or gain. She was a tough little girl all the way…

and so i write

Joy. Sadness. Failure. Safety. Fear. I was asked why do I write? Why do what I do? How can I possibly sit and talk about everything? Why is it so easy? Well, honestly, I don’t know why I push a pencil; how I can talk like a child but incite like a debutante. For the…

The unicorn’s🦄 colour

10/21/2015
The unicorn found her colour
As I sit here, I catch myself thinking often about the things that I should not really be thinking… Was it real or was it all in my head.there are so many things that are contributing to my loneliness right now that I couldn’t even begin to explain. However I must try. I have to explain what I am feeling so that when found in the corner somewhere, shaking, afraid, and confused; somebody may reach out and rescue me.
And, I hope the person that comes to my rescue is someone that I am truly devoted to. Someone who understands me even when I can’t imagine understanding myself? The one that I love with all my heart and soul. The individual that I am totally and undoubtly in love with. The only one that I, with complete and total free will, would give up everything I know and love for. Someone who appreciates the way that I smile my crooked smile. The one being that believes in me. The somebody who would cross hell and high water for my happiness and satisfaction even if it didn’t match up to his theory of what delectation would be. The being that would starve just so I could have the last bite of food on the table.
Now, this is where most people would call me one crazy cat for my belief that such a person exist. There is no way in this world or the next that one such prestigious man/woman/entity would or could ever exist. But, let’s face it it. I am a hopeless romantic. And, let me tell you one thing if there is one task in this world that it is difficult it is just that… A girl who lives in this picturesque world of actions of mushy and mysterious devotion; a woman who endures all the pain and negativity that one can possibly throw at her to come out on the other side still believing. Still dreaming. Still hoping. Still fighting and still breathing. It’s next near to impossible that this type of femme fatale could ever stay alive in a world full of vultures, adolescent sophomoric nitwits who couldn’t even begin to fathom the value of a dollar bill let alone the value of love and all the desirable traits. But yet, at the age of 31 {( 30 years, 3 weeks, and one day if you want to be technical)which precision is a deadly force and you love pulling it out of your bag of tricks everyday, Mr.AutoCorrect} I am still standing tall and strong ready to take on the world. I mean do you realize how hard it is to be this type of person….the one who for Valentine’s Day, hopes to receive this intense show of affection, while also condemning and truly believing that the holiday was created by Hallmark in order to sell more greeting cards, (hmmph, whose Cupid anyways) but damn it, if I still don’t secretly want that bouquet even though I hate roses and see it as a waste of money; People saying I am picky or non-committal or have too high of expectations, but maybe I just believe in a love that I haven’t discovered yet. Part of me, believes that it’s not time for me (the hopeless romantic part). Whilst, the other part…that terrified of love part….worries that my fear of falling in love is repelling love completely away from me… And, I just continually push it off even if it is right beside me for upwards of 16 years and counting. Nobody knows this struggle and if they did they wouldn’t understand it, Unless they believe these beliefs too…. Unless they are the other half of my magical forest where the unicorn dances under the umbrella in a meadow full of lilacs and lilies. It is then that I find the Qadaryiah of my life. The one who is willing defend everything that they believe in against a world who believes that there is no way possible that this could ever be extant.
So what if I do fall in love and it’s all the things I thought it would be, but so much, much more. It’s as difficult and heartbreaking as i believed it could be. But, it’s also powerful and intimate in all the ways that i could have ever pondered into a tangible, real event. And, I find myself vacillating between hopelessly being in love with this person, while also being terrified of the love that I do feel. My heart is beating. It is performing a ritual that I have never thought occurred before this very brief moment in time. Believing that at any moment it will come crashing down all around me and that my walls would be ripped to shreds, tore down and climbed over only to defeat me in own hand of war because I was to busy playing Goldfish. Yes, it’s hard!! Yes, it’s agonizing!! But, I give credence that it’s worth it. And, I finally get it, I fathom why people fall, why people are crazy for love and i ealize that that those unique struggle of being hopeless and terrified were pretty much directly on point, because that’s what love is to me. That’s what makes it work. That’s what made the tin man feel his heart that he had all allong. It’s beautiful and it is scary. It brings out all this nastiness and darkness, but also an immense sometimes overwhelming feeling of compassion and light. So, finally I found myself prepared for what love has to thrown at me and suddenly, I was happy for the struggle, because it made me this strong and amazing being. And, if I could feel pain just as if I were feeling passion, well to me that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt I was alive. Because pain is an emotion too. And, I was ready for this big tall(might I add gorgeous and handsome) glass of love. It made me the ultimate femme fatale.
And, in that moment in the dark corner that i had secluded myself to, I remove the glasses from my face as if I were Supergirl….as if it were me that was going to rip my shirt open at any moment and reveal to the world this huge secret that I had been harbouring. That I was the defender of love, guardian of all things that could be labeled with xxxxxxxxx’s and ooooooooo’s, inamorata of all things beautiful and hellish….. Embossed with the ultimate heart on my chest escaping from the imaginary cage that I had imprisioned myself in. This most beautiful and amazing piece of delectable Kryptonite I had ever saw in my life….and admit that I had fell in love.
It is that fleeting moment of freedom that I realize what Person I wanted along, what I wanted to say, what I wanted to feel, what I wanted to do. YOU!!!!!! I want that person to be you! I want you to open your eyes. Open your heart. Be that other half of me like you have for so many many years. Open up to all the worldly possiblities that you are the pursuit of perfection that I knew existed. The thought that I never gave up on. You are the rarest of all elements. One that could create chemical combustions when mixed with my emotions. I wanted you to be the person that I believed you could be the entire time. The person that I believed in. The being that I would starve for just so you could have the last bite of food. The person who when smiling this crooked smile and laughing this evil laugh just made my heart melt. The one I believed in. The one who makes our story work even if it against all the things that people every believed possible. It was YOU!!!
Now I have uncovered my angels and demons, my david and goliaths. It is time for you to do the same. Instead of running from the monsters under your bed, embrace them…nurture them… Grow them. For these are the very things that I fell in love with. These are the things that made you…well you!!!!! These are the things that made you the most intriguing lephraucaun in the field that allowed my unicorn someone to dances with in the rain.

I’m unfinished

Unfinished Wow, unfinished…..why a word of the day to choose. There are so many things that get left unfinished everyday that we often don’t realize. Some of them good, some bad and some better just left unsaid. But, for when I think of unfinished I think of my growth in God and the path that…

Mr.DeeJay

Hey DeeJay why don’t you orchestrate me a song. I can’t seem to find the words that I want to externalize from my head. Fill the air with the emotion that floods my soul. Read me a story that is played out on the turntables of life. Do it smooth though. I want you to…