This poem I felt led to write in honor of Infant Loss Awareness month. You often dont think about this or even know the pain until it happened to you. Are you the 1 in 4. I am. Do you know someone who is?? Sadly, i do. And, more than one. It is hard to bury a loved one of any, but a child especially the ones you never get to take home, you never get to hold or sing a song to is probally the worst pain that you will ever care to know. It is hard to even grasp the concept that we bury an alarming 99,000 children before their first birthdays. And, even more sad is one places including my wonderful state of Kentucky says that they never lived, that they only die. That maybe easy for them to say but, why dont you ask the mother. Why dont you as the father. I am sure they would have a different narrative to write. Those babies that never graced our homes; the ones that we never will see graduate kindergarten, high school or even college; the ones that we cant swaddle, read stories to, or give a bedtime bath; no prom, no marriage….or not even a stern no when they stick their tiny little hands in the cookie jar before dinner. Those are often the things that people take for granted becaue they have their children in their homes, and in their hands. But, for parents such as us we have to hold them in our hearts, in our minds, in our emotions. And often to many times, in our pain.
Infant loss is still as prevalent today in 2016, as it was in 1988 when President Reagan thought that those angels 👼🏼 should have a day where they would always be remembered and allow the loved ones to know that you are not alone. And, you are not alone? They will always be with you no matter where you go or what you do. When you look in the mirror and see your smile that once held a frown, when you look at other children and hear what would be their laugh, or when you look to what would have been their place in the family portrait, or a family tree, in which maybe be empty in the physical but never will empty in the heart.
So, I ask you today do you know? Do you see? Do you believe? And, tonight as you look out your window, or on your social media pages and you see a candle burning know that is representations of our angels babies and that mother is telling a story in the flicker of that candle, hide pain in the smile. And, just simple say a hello or a small prayer to let her know, that you understand, and that she will never be alone.
Dedicated to Luakaz, My’Kel, Hunter, Jackson, Baby Barrows, Baby Averie and Braylon and countless others that are gone but never forgotten.
I went the store today to pick up the cake, it was full of rubber duckies and blue balloons
Yellow chocolate marble, pink accents, and silly cartoons
I searched and searched for the perfect card, not knowing what to say,
After all I wanted it to perfect, for this was your day.
But you couldn”t make it, so I lit a candle.
Year by year and time by time, every second I wish you were mine,
You had to leave me a moment to soon, because, God needed you and that was fine
I constantly look toward your room, hoping to find toys, blankets, and unmade bed
After all i wanted it perfect for your birthday it is true, all the stories i would have red
But you couldn’t make it, so I lit a candle.
There are moments I get so lonely cause I miss you so much,
The pain, the grief, the happiness that could have been was always my crutch
Son, you dont realize the difference you made in a world you never knew,
Even if the heartbeat only went on between me, between you
But you couldn’t make it, so I lit a candle
Ever year about this time, from up in Heaven you will see,
A great band of light across the sky to let you know that you live in me
We mothers never forget the love that you left when you touched the inside,
In fact when you made your journey a part of us went with you, it died
But you couldn’t make it, so i lit a candle
A wave of light to show everyone your still with us and we will never forget
On our heart you left footprints, and on our life joy you left
For as many that are here, that is a double portion looking down
And we would eventually learned to smile and never to frown
But you couldn’t make it, so I lit a candle
We watch others grow up and grow old, part wishing it was you in the mold,
If i could have had one conversation, another day at the park I would have sold
But, we dont have those luxury to know what it feels,
To hold you, to rock you, or to have kisses for you to steal
But you couldnt make it, so I lit a candle
prompt courtesy of