And, I watched 

I had often set aimlessly, wandering. Did she even notice me, noticing her?  All the ups, downs. The voids. The smile, which were few and far between. Not because of unhappy thought tsunami but simply her causative attitude. It was almost that of a simile. Simple and sweet, yet defined and regal. I was lost in the conversation she had with her eyes. A pain renowned. A joy greater than one could know. But, she never knew. At least, I don’t think she did. How could she? I never spoke up. I sat quietly in the background. Her life leaving me with a silence that I would never be able to pronounce. However, day after day; moment for Moments, tit for tat I watched.

It was abrasive, I know. How could she had possibly been this elegant all along? I don’t think those around her had really grasped the reality. The exquisiteness she carried from the inside. It was those moments of intrigue that I viewed, I would see that beauty arise, as she cast her cares. Cares of the world. Distress of family life. One heel of bread to the next. It was authentic, there was many pain in the world but she carried one unbeknownst to her and those around, but I saw. It was an empty love that she carried for herself. She had always made sure that each of the children were properly fed. She had a desire that they was clothed in a fashionable truth. It was the derneir cri only she held in her demeanor.

She would pace seemingly through the house lonesome hours of the night. Touch each one silently. From diapers to teens. In the moment that she could find her peace, she would leave a piece of her with them. In their ears, in their dreams. Never alone were they. A race against time she was champion. When it was time for rest, she walked the gauntlet. Making sure was all safe and sound. A whimper. A cry would be the only thing to deter the power she would possess. She searched out the threats and toss them to the door as they would arise. It was then the sun would creep from the horizon, and them never be none the wiser. Did they even notice?  I don’t believe they did, as she could never see for herself for this was the normal for her. So, how could it be different. How could it be special. Almost like it never happened.

I would watch secretly as each moment ticked away. Eroding every chance that time had. It was timeless, but would it be priceless. She would rise with the Delaware Jersey Giant, and fight the primitivism rush of the day. Mastering the moment of solitude she had left behind the night before. Captured by the awespiring love of the day. She would rustle each moment, making sure that one unfeigned avail did not escape. She listened. She requited all things that never belonged to her. Prayers. Psalms. Hymnals graced the house and the occupants. Often silencing the quarrels before they were to begin. She held a power in her grace. Esteem in her faith. Joy in her Lord. And, she didn’t even know that I noticed.

It was utter moments that would flash before my eyes, as I would view from the distant landscape. Ons of time, and one of love. Never leaving me void, thirsting for more of her story. Moments quickly fading. I would begin to take captive the likeness  of the land before time.

She would look into the city, dread of the calamity that she must face as she travelled companionless into the day. She had to beat the hour with minute. She had to walk in with decisiveness as she announced what they needed. It was difficult to do such, because it was not often having to hunt such bargains because they were always at her fingertips. In the backyard. The barn. But, in this instant she would have to fight the jersey of the world as she obtain the needs of them. No task was to great. Even out of her comforts, she was still inspiration to those around. Like they saw her yesterday, even though it had been months. Now, that is what faith can do. Impossible is not a word if someone would just try. And, non-chalantly I would follow the breadcrumbs of faith she left behind, quietly learning how she approached everything. Almost as if from my dreams, I would  capture the panorama of a brush stroked masterpiece. A strength foreign, a tenacity unsung.

There were never a moment in which she said enough. She would confidently go into the fold hopeful and illustrious. Treating each moment as her last, while birthing it as her first. She never crossed paths with an enemy. At least, not one in her eyes. For she, a woman of opportunity, a time server of hope. Infashioned with petition. Granting the answer of many, only impetrating the power of One. Giving up was not in her vocabulary. Being a warrior was. She knew the truth of who she was, carrying it with a humbleness undefined. She had awareness, trust, commitment; unafraid of being on the front lines, because with such meekness, the enemy would be blinded by her authority. And seemingly, unaware of her exceptional credence. Discipline in challenges. Commitment in expression. A Paragon of a woman to us, yet a lowly unrefined woman in her own sight.

As I solemnly watched from the distance of the land, thee was never a moment of still. She was always at work, doing something with the work of her heart. She prepared them, she nurtured him. Always making sure they had the best of what she had to offer even if only that was love. Shee was leaving jewels to be found among  th floods of life. For us to find in the long hereafter. Did she know that all she accomplished would change and alter the life’s of many? I think not?  I don’t think that one could truly grasp the idea of the pathways that she had marked out for us generations to come, for she could only see what she was doing. Only, in the here and now. But, I would continue to watch obtaining and understanding the knowledge that I would need. I don’t think she realized she was a teacher, and I the student.

Never would she  be able to view the promise of the beauty; the talent of her praise. She had her destination in mind. But, it was never one of this world. She didn’t desire to be a Hero, only a simple woman of faith. A woman of values set before her, as time rushed against her. Morals and ethics redefined, as she became a resident of Love. Only doing what she knew best in a world were those things seems to be of receding value. To love the Lord, thy God with all her might. For, she knew that as much as the day began, it would end but it would always belong to God. And, the glory was his to return. For, nothing she brought into this world; but more than she ever knew she would leave behind. Nd, as I looked on I would pick up on the morsels she allowed to left, the joy of the recompense. The Attitude that was always on right. The patience of  woman in love. The virtue of a God who loved me first. And, a woman who best taught everything in life may not seem to be free, but that the things that you allow your self to accomplish were. And, that it was not what you what you went through in this life that made you, it was how you responded.

And, then slowly I begin to open my eyes. Relieving the dream of my past and realizing that I had been watching her from my dreams. It was in the mirror, the woman who didn’t understand her worth. The one who would continually fight for what she held her esteemed convictions. The one that I desired to be. The one that I could become. The one that I would achieve. And, it was left to me and God to plant those breadcrumbs of faith, so that where in dream or in reality that our generation of babies could always find themselves.

From the pit to the palace they would realize that they were never alone. That they were not the first one to battle this unruly battle. That they weren’t the pioneer  to take on a giant that seemed so vile. To put in place the values that we held in highest regard. The ones that breathed life in our core. And, that we too often faced with adversity thought we were alone, and that is when we lifted our eyes up . And, we  realized that we were servant to a master.  One who would never lead us blind, if we just has faith as active as our life.


One Comment Add yours

  1. chryssed says:

    This is dedicated first and foremost to Mammaw. The woman from my dream. The one who i dont know how i wold done any of this had she not set the pace for who i wanted to be. And, then it is dedicated to the women in which I am blessed to call my sisters in Christ. I don’t know how i would have continuously walked this battle if it weren’t for you and your push to keep me going, never allowing me to give up on Myself and my dreams. We serve a powerful and mighty God and I never want to miss a beat without telling Him thank you for giving just ne more day.


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