Today, my heart is heavy.
It is burdened and wants to cry out for my Father. Abba, help me make understanding of the things of this world. Help me to begin to unravel the conceptual thinking of people on this earth. Sadly however, I keep coming up empty. I am not sure that I could ever be able to understand but, for the future and well being of my children, our children I must try to find agreement in my Spirit as to the whys, what’s and how’s. But, first some background. I remember everything about that day. The briskness of the wind as it collided with my skin while walking around the block, the blue basketball shirt and black pants that had seemingly grew seven times to small, the shriek of the ambulance and the fear of the events as they were to unfold. The love in the air as the world we knew was about to change for so many around me and the sickness of my belly as it had begun to do flips as I understood that something was definatley wrong and no one wanted to listen. March 23, 2004, 5:53 p.m., Tuesday. The day that my daughter was born. My first child. My princess. My everything. I was only 19, and didn’t know very much about being a mom. However, I knew if this little girl (who weighed all of five pounds and five ounces) could change the world of me, then she one day would change everything in the world of her. I didn’t know what God had in store for her or me. I am not sure that I was supposed to know. I just know that with all my heart that He had a purpose greater than I could ever have imagined for the dynamic duo of redheads. It would just take me sometime, well, a lot of time to figure it out. And, I think I am still working on that one.
As I said, I had a burden in my heart and for a minute got confused; thinking it was all the Raman noodles I had been loading up on over the past few days. And, they say carbs ain’t fulfilling. But, anyways that is my lame attempt to try and break free of the silence that my heart feels. It is incredibly lonesome feeling scared, and intrusive in this lone world. Today, after watching my daughter become upset because she is feeling eradicated from the world ( as she knew it) leaving me questioning what did I do wrong. I have not even began to realize that there was something far more deeper going on that I didn’t understand. Or, did I? Probably more so than I ever would have wanted to imagine. The goal of a mother or father has been and probably always will be the want and desire of wanting your children to succeed. To do better than you ever imagined you, yourself could ever do. But, the pressures that they often are succumbed to are rather harsher than we could have ever imagined. And, today, as I sadly watched from what felt like the outfield as my daughters heart crumbled right in front of me, I could feel nothing but helplessness.
After reading an article on Pacer.org when trying to find answers to how could i help what could I possibly do. Finding statistics showing that more than one out of every five students report being bullied (National Center for Educational Statistics, 2016) or that the reasons for being bullied reported most often by students were looks (55%), body shape (37%), and race (16%) (Davis & Nixon, 2010). When it is your daughter, when it is your son these statistics don’t seem to even matter in the moment. I had often experienced bullying growing up but I never used my voice at all. I chose to be reactive instead of proactive. And I thought that I would never have to face this demon ever again. But, today in the middle of that living room floor as my daughter’s world came crashing down around her, I was staring the demon right square in the face. And, I was left feeling as I never dropped it off. But, this time, oh this time it was not going to win. It was not going to stare my daughter down and place a threat on her; making her feel worthless and as if she amounted a hill of beans. No, not this day!! Not this daughter!! Not this mother!!
She was broken, shattered, irreplaceable. My princess, the one who I thought could change the world. The one I still believe could do exactly that. She hasn’t even experienced the best years of her life. But, here she was wanting to give up, throw in the towel and not even finish the few years she has left. As her mother, what was I to do. I wanted to help her so bad, but everything in me telling me this was a life lesson that would make her stronger. I am not going to lie, as a mother instantly my flesh wanted me to react. My daughter is sitting here telling me behind a camaraderie of tears that she was being called stupid. The ignorance of people using the vicious “r-word” when describing her left me wanting to do the carnal thing. But, the kingdom woman in me did the only thing I knew to do. I went to my Father, my Counselor knowing that He would give the answer I needed, I desired. God what was your purpose in this. What am I supposed to learn or what am I supposed to teach. Please, Father help me help her.
And, see that is the great thing about the great God we serve. When you call, He answers!! Sometimes it may not be always as you wanted or intended but today it was a right on time message from a right on time God. And, luckily for me, today I had my spiritual eyes and ears in tune because I believe God gave me a job to do. And, the way I would respond in the next two seconds would send tremors into the future of the way my daughter would or could view things. Would I tell her to react and beat them down? Or, would I tell to sit back and take it like a champ? No, I would do neither. God wouldn’t want me to act out my carnal desires . It would not be the Kingdom woman thing for me to do. And, I didn’t want to be caught with my Holy Ghost on vacation and contribute to the soullessness of the situation that I found around me. I did what everyone should have been doing all along. I took the time to teach a lesson to my daughter that I hope she will always be able to remember. One that she may pass down to her daughter one day. One that when the kids start in on her she can say hold I got something to say to you. And, it went a little something like this.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 KJV
My daughter. She was created for Gods purpose and plan. Nothing of my doing, nothing I could have changed. I knew that she would be used to change this world. Even if it is just a circle of friends, ones that she could show there is a difference in proactive and reactive. That all because you are bullied doesn’t mean that you have to respond. The choice that you make today could effect the life you live tomorrow. Good or bad, life or death. We have a choice to speaks these words that could forever alter the universe because God loved us so much that He gave them to us. And, I believe there is no greater purpose than sharing the Love of God with one another instead of the hate of the enemy. It shouldn’t matter what you look like, or your socioeconomic status. Where you were born, or what special ability you have. We are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. And, with sometime, work, a whole lot of prayer I will ensure that my daughter will be a builder not a demolition team.
So, to the one or several who have set out with a goal in mind. Thinking that idea somewhere along the way, it would make you somehow tougher, stronger; that it would make you smarter or even maybe gain you popularity, allow me to share some advice with you. The people who are cheering you on while you do these things you refer to as funny, are indeed never your friends or do they intend to be. A friend is someone who would stick up for someone in the face of the pain and the struggle. someone who would watch out for someone when the tough gets going. You may think it is hot and awesome to do these things now but what of the future. One day you will know what you did. And, I leave you with one question what if this was your daughter? Your son? Brother, sister, cousin, whatever. What if? it may pay you to get a friend or two like the ones you are bullying. They may teach you a thing or two you are definitely not learning. Until then, I will continue to pray for you. I hope that what ever you are going through, whatever that is causing you to lash out at the people will come to a close. I pray that you start building up instead of tearing down. And, when you see someone making others feel worthless, that you will teach them what worth is. It is taking me a lot not to lash out at you and not want to hurt you, but there is enough hurt in the world we need no more. I pray that you find peace and comfort. And, that you can reach out to someone in your time of need and can find what friendship truly is. Maybe even my little warrior. She will show kindness in the face of adversity. Love in the view of pain. And, success in the midst of the storm…. why? Because she was created for His purpose. She was designed to be more than a conquer. She was born to change the world.
Until next time be blessed and less stressed and always take life with a good ole glass of sweet tea and a slice of faith
courtsey of Speak Out