It was lonely. Saddened, despair, disarray. As it just hung, there on the blank wall, it couldn’t seem to pull the feelings together into one thought. What could it say to make her feel any better? She had became so acquainted with it, but not the intentional use wherein it was invented. If it had the ability to use verbal cues as language it would have a foliage of tears that never was able to speak. There had become no way to unbandage the hurt. All the miscues that the world had placed on the mind of its only friend. She had indeed become the only one who intentionally spent time as it hang on the wall. Day in, day out; she would speak to it as if it were human, as if it could understand the thoughts that she had. However, it didn’t. It could only understand the pain and the emotion that she (its’ only friend) spoke everyday. Sadly, it would wonder did she open like this to the world? Did she speak in such volumes of pain as she did when she spent hours with it? How could they not see what it cried for on a daily basis? What did they see that they could possibly allow this to go on? Here, it was an inaminate object and it alone spared more love for her than the world she occupied.
She often shared memories of good times; and she would then talk about the moments of success. She remembered her Barbie birthday so clearly on that warm fall day. It was a prized possession to her. She held onto it dear. Tightly tucking into the folds of her heart nightly. Days spent with Chandeclaire and how she used heroics to save it from Jake the ripper. Howbeit, it was to late for Monsoon and Daisy. She declared that she would save the world from the viscous essence of kill or be killed. But, somewhere along the way, those were often foreshadowed by the here and now moments that came more frequent. She was often the one who suffered the fate of Monsoon and Daisy. She was the one felt like she was swallowed up by the snake in the backyard of her own home. She had lost her will to fight because she had forgot what she was fighting for. It was moments like this, as it hung on the wall, that it feared what irreversible damage this was all causing her. Down deep in her soul, she longed for clarity as to Why? How? When? And, it was there in those moments that she could no longer breathe, and could only speak with the tears that flowed down her fragile face.
It remembered the day that she bought it to hang on the wall. It has had many homes since, however, she would never allow it to be repossessed. She felt most at home when she looked at it, when sharing and spending time just gazing, or time singing. It was in middle school that she had this obsession with a certain longed hair boy band. She could count the beats word for word, the pentameter, the rhythm, the harmonic balance. How she longed to one day to have a little girl she could give the iconic name Madeline or Lucy!! It remembered it so vividly, how ironic that it would be an album that would sale ten million copies worldwide while being named the middle of nowhere. And, that is often where she found herself; the middle of nowhere, somewhere in the middle.
A place where half didn’t see and the other didn’t care. And slowly, the tears would saturate her eyes and her thoughts.
Oh, how It had so many hopes and dreams for her. She would spend hours amped; roaring for events in life that she faced not caring what was to come. She was a warrior but It didn’t understand what happened. What happened to the little girl who had all this passion, all this love that she could storm the world and conquer ever villain that was wrote into her timeline. She carried the pain as if it were ammunition for ever battle that she would face. Her own version of David and Goliath. The one where she would be the heroine taking down the giants of pain, bullying, abuse, fear and terror. Nothing would ever dreamt of having the strength or courage to steal the joy, her love of the world. Her passion. Her composure. But, then something went terribly wrong in the life of Its only friend.
It had held so much fear in it watching her personality change. But, it was just another inaminat object. But, beyond the glass, the shimmer and shear I too, felt like her. No voice. No choice. Only the ability to deal with the things as they would unfold. Never understanding why the days had became so harsh. It wasn’t like it had become a multiple choice, she could determine what to do. Sh could only sink or swim, fly or crash. And for so long, the effects of the actions had began to deter the warrior princess that It had saw her as. Now, the only choice it had was to hold on and just be there when she wanted to share. And, for a long time; quite awhile she would hide. No more singing, no more dancing. Only crying and sleeping, but It hang out there for her because i knew that she would be back. She would need someone to talk to and it knew that it would give her exactly what she needed. Someone who would understand,
someone who would listen without the fear of judgment. Cause lets face it she didn’t fit into this world that had became so cruel to her. And, she would often reach for a hand that was never there. And, it longed to be able to be there for her. Be happy for her. Be sad for her. Just hold her in her darkest moments that had seemed to be so many.
For hours, she laid there in her tears screaming here we go round again. Why does it have to be this way? Never could she seem to find a place where she was warranted. Or even if she was wanted. No one seemingly could ever have time to pencil her in. Where was she going wrong? And, finally it saw that she was really beginning to have enough. She needed someone, someone who wouldn’t demand everything from her but was never on location for her. She began to look down deep and search for the warrior that she once was as a child. She vowed that she would go into this world and search for her One True Love and she knew exactly who He was. She had longed for this acceptance for so long that she didn’t understand how she had been so blind. She hadn’t seen what was in front of her the whole time. And, she slowly began to reach up. It wasn’t easy for her; probably harder than one could ever imagine. But, she knew do or die. And, this is where we are today. She is still fighting for what she believes. She is still holding on and trying to undo the damage. However, there is a big difference in now and then. She is trying. She is caring. And, she took back her title as warrior princess. We still have those long conversations throughout the day but happily reporting that we no longer share the sadness and despair; but joy and love. We also no longer do them alone. She began sharing with her new found friend. One that always makes time for her no matter what the world says and truly cares about her as she is. For she had discovered her One True Love
And, I am sure that if It can say anything about the journey it had hanging from the wall it would say this
I may just be a object on a wall. Just a mirror but I see and know more than You think. For the person that you are talking to when you are talking to me, is well…..YOURSELF!! You will always know what You need internally even if your flesh don’t want you to have none of it. God will be your anchor and He placed objects in the world like me just to give you something to talk to when you don’t feel like no one is listening. But, He is always listening even if it just through the mirror on the wall. So, go ahead and claim your warrior status, know that you are not alone and hold on. Count it all joy in everything you are going through and always remain true to yourself. the world will beat you down but He will build you up and restore all things to you . You just have to have faith and hold onto what You know and believe.
~the mirror, your friend
Until next time have a good ole glass of sweet tea with a slice of faith