What does it look like…………what does it feel like…..when does it strike…….how can you tell………..are you sitting next to someone right
this very moment……
at the library, in the grocery aisle, at the bus stop……
is the someone broken right there, go ahead……..
LOOK!!! DON’T BE AFRAID!!
don’t be afraid of the stigma that has been created in the face of media and social standard….addiction is real, you can’t escape it, you can’t run from it!!!! it is right there, it is very real and very detrimental to one’s safety and sanity, family and friends, reputation and reality….
and for me, it was all to real!!!!
death was on my doorstep!!!! it was coming to find me!!! and, i was going to let it!!!
BEHOLD, HE HAD OTHER PLANS FOR ME
it had fought me for ten years…..ten years of pain, ten years of numbness, emptiness, dependence, enslavement………….
walking around with a monkey on my back
more than just an Aerosmith song, more than a cute little chimpanzee from a circus. i was weighed down, blinded, deaf, and dumb. i wanted to be sober but i just could not find a way out. i scratched and scratched at the wall. the glass slope just left blood from my fingers and there was no way out for me. i didn’t know what to do. in fact, i am not sure that i wanted to. i was blindfolded. and i went back and back and back. and it kept feeding my wanting to hide. my wanting to forget. i, in fact, was beyond weak. and i was not alone, and just know that you are
NOT ALONE EITHER
When people who use drugs can’t stop taking a drug even if they want to, it’s called addiction. The urge is too strong to control, even if you know the drug is causing harm.When people start taking drugs, they don’t plan to get addicted. They like how the drug makes them feel. They believe they can control how much and how often they take the drug. However, drugs change the brain. Those who use drugs start to need the drug just to feel normal. That is addiction, and it can quickly take over a person’s life.Addiction can become more important than the need to eat or sleep. The urge to get and use the drug can fill every moment of a person’s life. The addiction replaces all the things the person used to enjoy.
But, you could never get me to believe this. i would never have admitted to having a problem much less being an addict….that was almost 20 months ago. i would have said i was having fun, i was self medicating, i don’t have a problem, i just want to forget, or the simple i have no idea what you are talking about.
These were the faces of my addiction…and that was just some not all….they got worse before they ever got better……
BEHOLD, HE HAD OTHER PLANS FOR ME
i was the girl next door. i was the one who would shy away from trouble. i was the closet addict. i was the one who swung under the radar.
As you will see…..it is an illusion!!! recovery, addiction, recovery, addiction. i was told for so long that i could not do it that i soon believed it. i thought that i would never go without that pill or without that sip, and a blunt would always be in my hands. If you notice, there is a lot of was and used to statements. because i was an addict. i was a liar and a cheat and a fraud. i could never deny nor would i want to deny these fact. i was also a wife, a mother, a friend, a niece, a granddaughter. All because addiction seems to have crawled up in your lap and gotten comfortable doesn’t mean it has to stay there. you can find your way out. you can fight. you can survive. how do i know cause
He found me. He picked me up and He walked on this journey with me. I will never be ashamed of my story with my addiction because in turn I would have to delete my rescue and deny my Father and that will never happen. there are plenty of people that you can turn to for help. many sincere and honest people who want to help you. don’t get trapped in the vicious never ending cycle that is known as addiction and recovery. if you know someone who needs help reach out to them because you don’;t know why they are doing what they are doing. you don’t know the demons they are trying to hide from. and if you are the addict and you don’t have no one else you have me. and you have an amazing and fabulous God who is wanting to reach out to you. Save yourself…..Help yourself.
and since i showed the face of addiction i suppose i will show the face of redemption….
until next time yall be blessed and less stressed……