Hey ya’ll!! How is your day going?? I hope that it is going great and blessed beyond measure. I know that mine is. I have been going through some tough stuff this week. It has kind of did a damper on things but yet put a fire under things for me. I kind of touched on the day of January 13th on one of my previous blogs. I had started this year with a new outlook on a lot of things. Things that I can’t describe inside of me. But, I knew that my Jesus was at work not only inside of me, but He was at work in my life. I was about to see a change that I never saw coming. I had a fire and it would not be kindled. I would not allow it to be watered down, blown out, misplaced, squandered, covered up or flow down the drain. I was ready to rock and roll once again. Life was good. Then that stupid accident had to happen. Well, it wasn’t really stupid because I know that there is glory in all things that I face. But, it has been a difficult place for me to be. It has had me in a place of isolation. A place of fear as to what is going to happen. Am I going to scar? Am I going to live in fear of relapse because of the pain medicine? It was there in the moment of suffocation that I had to find resuscitation. CPR. Christ Powered Resuscitation.
I have went back and forth, back and forth as to should I post the picture of my injuries. Should I expose myself and others to that pain that I had been going through on a daily basis, and until today I had decided that no, I would not make it public to know. I mean I had shared with my closest relationships and lived it everyday with my family, and everyday in the mirror I would cry. I was so upset and hurt with myself over something that was beyond my control. However, if I continued to give silence to the thing that was making me mute I was doing my family, friends, and readers a disservice. But, more than that I was doing a disservice to Jesus because to hide what I had been through was to hide what He rescued me from. Had He not been with my husband and myself that day, had not someone placed a cover and protection over us the outcome would have been so different. My life is victorious because of Him and Him alone. So here goes……….
It was on January 12th, 2018 that my husband had to go to Nashville for his normal weekly run and as always I ride along because I can’t just let him take this trip alone. Everything was off about that day, and I mean EVERYTHING. From things said, to the way things were done and played everything was off. I had so much to get done that day that I just placed them off as having a moment in the day. We were expecting this snow storm here in Kentucky and I was just ready to get through it and get it over with. So I paid no mind to anything. Everything went off with out a hitch in the middle of the storm. No matter which way we where going we was running face first into this snow and it was aggravating to say the least. I mean who would ever think that it should snow in the middle of winter and at all in January. That was preposterous. But, it happened and there was nothing we could do about it. We had to go out and brave the brave. Weather don’t stop and neither does the life of a first responder, a post man, or in our case the life of a courier.
Things can happen each and everyday but we must go on each and every day. And that we did. I don’t think I can remember a time when the weather was this cold and this bad. I think I was a little girl. I was scared putting my life in the hands of this weather but I knew we would be okay because our God was much bigger than all these things. So, we traveled on. We made it to Lexington, Florence, Louisville and to Nashville without a hitch. Nothing had happened despite the horrible traffic conditions. I believe through all the travelling that Bowling Green was the worse of them all and we experienced that on the way on the way back to Louisville where we had stopped to get some Krystal’s.
Go figure with my luck that I would not get none of that either because unlike aforementioned jobs, Krystal wasn’t included on that list and they decided not to be open and we had to settle for McDonald’s.
It was at this point that I decided that I would take a nap and ya’ll, I was beyond ready for it. I was so exhausted between the trip itself, the weather, and disappointment from the lack of Krystal in my life. So, I laid back and little did I know that when I would wake up a little under a 100 miles later that my life would be so different.
I don’t remember really that much. I, in fact, don’t think I want to remember or need to remember. But, this is how the events in my life went from that moment forward….. I was in a very deep sleep. Ya’ll I was sleeping so good, despite everything with the cold and the uncomfortable trying to sleep in a transit van. I had laid back my seat to rear tilt and placed my legs in the dashboard because comfortable is not an amenity that they offer with those vehicles. In fact, I had always did that my whole life. My feet in the dash. Or, during the summer, they would be out the window. But, I would learn in less than one hundred miles that this would be one of the greatest mistakes of my life. And, I plea with you that if you or anyone that you know put their feet in the dash, don’t do and speak against it. I remember hearing my husband screaming Oh God are you serious?? Did this just happen? I came to from what I thought was my sleep… looking forward seeing a busted window shield and trying to lift myself up into the seat. I heard my husband saying I am suffocating, I can’t get out, I can’t reach my knife. It was at this point that it began to register that we had been in an accident. I didn’t know how bad, I couldn’t tell who or if anyone was involved. I just know that my first instinct was ” Crystall, no matter what you can’t panic. You can’t allow him to see that you are scared and don’t know what to do.” So, I began to feel around making sure I didn’t have blood anywhere and began to mentally document the surrounding that I could see. All the while, I knew my legs where on fire but I couldn’t focus on that right now. I had to focus on calming him down and getting him free. There is nothing no worse than that feeling as if you have been pinned in a vehicle and could not move, so I knew he was my first priority. I got him undone finally, fighting against everything in me saying I needed to freak out at this moment. But, I couldn’t. I had to be strong and bold in a moment where I just wanted to hide under the biggest and heaviest rock I could find. Being that was possible, I worked on calming J down. That is a job within itself. That was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I had to sit there and watch the strongest man I ever have met beside my Daddy and Papppah, break. It was scary. I continued to just manage the situation from my perspective once again not paying attention to myself. Whether shock or adrenaline, I have no idea but I just did it. It was in the moments after I began to try to make phone calls and realize what was happening around me that my legs began to burn. I mean ya’ll they were burning. But, i couldn’t focus on that right now. I continued to assure J that everything with me was okay. In fact, beside the burning I thought it was. Nothing felt broken. I couldn’t find no blood. So I knew that I would be okay. I was alive and that is what mattered in that moment. I just had to look down though. I wished I hadn’t but I did. That is when I began to take note that maybe everything wasn’t okay as I thought. Maybe there was something wrong. I removed the blanket that I had over my legs and the worse taste and smell I have ever imagined was right in my face. The airbag had deployed under the blanket and my legs had been caught in the middle. Not only did it deploy but it exploded on me. So, I was smelling the chemicals, the outlash and the flesh of my skin. I still didn’t realize really what the damage level was. First responders came, and first responders went. I refused medical care at that moment cause I don’t do strange hospitals and thought I could wait until I got back home. It wasn’t that bad I kept telling myself. I was still alive, so it wasn’t that bad. It was when J got me out of the vehicle to get me to the rollback that I realized I maybe in trouble and needed to get to the hospital as soon as we got back home. I was riling in pain. I could not bear weight on my legs. I didn’t know what was going on.
I was 130 miles from home. I couldn’t get to my Momma and get her to help. I knew nothing about where I was at to know if I could get a cab or anything to the hospital so I waited it out until I got back home. I finally convinced J that he needed to go to the hospital and so didn’t I. By the time that we made it to that hospital i was in so much pain that I could not stand it no more. I could not deal with the burning of my flesh or the weight that my body was putting on those said wounds. I could visually see that it was bad but I didn’t realize that it was that bad. In fact, I didn’t realize that this could ever happen and I, for sure thought it would never happen to me. I been riding this way for the upper part of twenty years and it never crossed my mind. Well, folks it did happen to me and it is very real. And, it is very painful. This is the after math of what I was left with once the airbag was done with me.
and then all that turned into this.
I had received second and third degree burns down my legs because I thought that it was very safe and very comfortable to ride with your legs in the dash just to take a nap. This is probably been the worse pain that I have ever dealt with. I would even say that this is worse than child-birth and that says a lot. And, the damage was just not physical. It was mental. Today is the first day that I voluntarily left the house. Today is the first day that I have attempted to walk beyond my front yard. Today is the first day that I have decided that I wanted to talk about this. And, still not sure as i look at this picture I want to share all this with you. But, as I said earlier, to not talk about it is to devalue what God really did for me that cold Saturday morning. It could have been a whole lot worse. I could be in a funeral home right now. So, could J. Yes, the pain is horrible and miserable but I know that the pain will eventually subside. That could never compare to the pain in the life of our children had we not made it that day. I am just blessed to have another breath in my lung and want to make the best of what God has gave me. Until next time, ya’ll have life with a good ole glass of sweet tea and a slice of faith.